The Epic of Birds and Bees
by haeresis lightning
Summary: “but dad.. I wanna tell my classmate bout Kamasutra!” an IchiRuki fanfic..


**Disclaimer:** I, haeresis do not own bleach or any of its character. If so, IchiRuki will be an epic to remember.

**A/N:** Presenting, my OC, Kurosaki Rihito. Get the picture yet??

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For a typical 24 years old male, a life with a job and money to play is enough. But Kurosaki Ichigo, is not a typical 24 years old male. What made him different from any typical 24 years old male was he had a sorta-wonderful lady as his wife and a 5 years old son to make his life complete.

Yes. To good to be true..

He is the only student, in Karakura High to have a son at the age of 19. He is the only substitute shinigami to have a son with the Kuchiki heir, thus making him, the rightful heir of the Kuchiki clan. Right now, Kurosaki Ichigo had multiple jobs to attend. One, as a trainee doctor. Two, as a substitute shinigami. Three, the heir of Kuchiki clan. And last but not least, a husband for a wife, and a dad for a son.

He was more than surprise to hear her wife's confession, Kuchiki Rukia, on the night of their graduation day. And he was more than surprise to hear a faint voice of a baby crying on the night of his 19th birthday. It was the greatest gift of his life.

Kurosaki Rihito. The little guy who possessed his father's appearance, with spiky hair and a natural scowl also his mother's visage, a violet orb, replacing the amber one and dark hair, replacing the striking orange top was the youngest one in Kurosaki family. In Soul Society, he was known as Kuchiki Rihito. Everyone knows him. He is the second in line for the head of Kuchiki clan. He was to innocent for anything. He was a great actor like his mother, and soon-to-be a great fighter liked his father, judging from his amount of reiatsu that was half of his father's. What more could you asked from a 5 years old kid??

Soon, those innocent thought will go away, when Kurosaki Rihito started his first day at Karakura Kindergarden.

"dad, what does sex mean?"

Ichigo who was calmly enjoying his coffee with his son and his wife, almost chocked his life away. No one knows, a person could actually chocked by drinking coffee. Yes, that Kurosaki slash Kuchiki Rihito for you.

"what the- where did you learn that?"

"at school, of course.."

"Rukia, what kind of school did you send Rihito to? They teach about that on the first day of school!!"

"Shut up idiot. Act more mature. As parents, we should ready for these kinds of questions. Well, what do you want to know Rihito? Mom will try my best to answer you" Rukia said as she bended forward to look like she was very interested in this kind of things.

"Don't tell me you've been watching those lame programs on tv.." he sighed and tried to steal her attention but fail. Well, better now than never.

"Mom, could you tell me what does sex mean? How to explain it in.. err, mom?" Rihito's voice trailed off when he saw his mother's expression. He knew, he should not say that.

Silent warped the atmosphere until..

"Well son, let your dad answer that question. Sex is when a guy inserted his umm.. _'damn, what does that thing called?'_ his co- OWW.!!"

Rukia hit him hard on his head with her fist. Her fist was as powerful as ever.

"You moron!! Don't teach my son bad language. Sorry. I dozed of a little. Umm, sex is when a guy inserted his penis into a girl's…"

"Mom, what's a penis? Is it a peanut or something?"

Ichigo swear, he would not eat peanut again in his entire life.

"Hmm, how to put this in words.. ahhah!! Do you still remember the last time we bathed together, when you asked me about the things between your legs, well that's a penis. But yours is not mature enough. Let just say dad has it too and that's a penis we're talking bout."

"Yeah!! Three cheers for you who are great in teaching GOOD language with BAD examples."

Ichigo said sarcastically, making her furious. A mad and furious Kuchiki was not a pleasant view.

"Well if you're too good for this, I let u handle the talk. I'll be in the kitchen." She left the dining room, leaving the father and son to talk.

After yet another moment of silent. Ichigo cleared his throat before he started his own "Definition of Sex".

"Sex is what we do to make babies. We also called it make love, 'cause love is the baby. Understand?" the said man ruffled his boy's dark locks, as a result, a small giggle escaped from the younger Kurosaki.

"That's make sense!! I have another question. Umm, where does this 'peanut go, when it inserted…"

"Let me get this straight. I'm going to tell a story called 'The Epic of Birds and Bees". Now listen carefully.."

And so, Ichigo, with his fatherly figure told the saga to his 5 years old son. He would never expect to tell the story to his son so soon. Rihito is only 5 years old, but he already knows more than he supposed to know.

After the long lecture, and a bit info about Kamasutra (Rihito found the copy in Kuchiki manor. Who would thought Byakuya actually kept them..), the talk ended with something no one would expected..

"Thanks dad. You thought me a lot about this. But, could you sum up a little. The space they give is to small to write everything you told me.."

"what do you mean son?"

"The teachers asked us to fill in this form. After I wrote my name, and my birth date, I stopped because I dunno what sex mean" the oh-so-innocent Rihito showed the form to Ichigo, causing him to freeze like he saw a pig wearing skirt in the form.

"Rihito, forget all the things I told you.. Let's go meet you teacher. We need to transfer you to different school NOW!!"

"but dad.. I wanna tell my classmate bout Kamasutra!!"

"….." _damn.._

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**A/N:** I enjoyed writing this ficts. Hope you'll enjoy reading it too. This is the one and only IchiRuki fict that made its way to fanfictiondotnet. Constructive criticism is highly recommended!!..

**CAVEDOWN**

**0703 28/aug/2009**


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